Joan Vassos Admits Feeling Like A Cheater Moving On
The Golden Bachelorette star, Joan Vassos, discusses some of her challenges with dating, and multiple men at that, on reality TV. While her heart is still tied to her first husband, she is having a difficult time. Specifically, she admits she feels like a cheater after moving on to a new man.
Joan Vassos Has Her Work Cut Out For Her
Although it is exciting for Joan Vassos to be the first-ever Golden Bachelorette, she struggles with some feelings that surfaced during filming. Not only is it difficult to get out of her comfort zone and date twenty-four men at once, but she is also grieving. Undeniably, the lineup of fashionable men is easy on the eyes, but it comes with torture for Joan’s soul. However, she isn’t giving in on the Bachelor Nation process that easily. Even so, she is battling a deep-seated feeling of being a cheater to her first husband, John.
Joan Vassos Admits Feeling Like A Cheater Moving On
Undoubtedly, Joan Vassos cherishes the time she spent with her husband of 32 years, John Vassos. Without a doubt, she thought he was a standup guy. However, she lost him to pancreatic cancer in 2021 amid the COVID-19 pandemic. As such, she wasn’t able to properly grieve his death. Joan told People, “My husband passed away during COVID and I really didn’t embrace the whole mourning thing.” Admittedly, the 61-year-old did her best to pick herself up and keep moving. She says, “I was in charge of being strong. I just buckled down and ignored it.”
When Joan started meeting the men on The Golden Bachelorette, she was building new relationships and was quickly blindsided by ambushing feelings of cheating. She says, “I had to face it.” Although she had sought out grief counseling, many groups were not available during the pandemic. After filming began she says, “It was in my face that I was feeling really guilty, honestly, about having feelings for somebody else.” Unmistably, as she opened her heart again, it was simultaneously breaking. Admittedly, she says, “I almost felt like I was cheating on John, which is crazy because he’s passed away.”
John Gave Joan A Gift
Although the process of offering her heart to someone new has been difficult for Joan Vassos, she shares a beautiful gift from her late husband. Before passing he told her, “I want you to find somebody. You are the greatest wife in the world. I don’t want you to be alone. I want you to find somebody.” Even with his “permission” she still holds guilt about moving on. However, she explains that The Golden Bachelorette’s team of psychiatrists helped her overcome some of her hesitations.
She says, “They said, ‘You don’t have to let go of John.” Further easing her mind, they add, “Picture it like this: you have two balloons, one in each hand, and John is in a balloon in this hand, and your potential person that you’re going to fall in love with in this hand. You don’t have to let go of him from this hand to pick this one up and have a life with this one.’” Admittedly, it was the picture she needed to allow herself to explore, “And it was such a good lesson.”
Joan Vassos Accepts The Process Of Grief
Since Joan Vassos gave herself space to breathe and understand it is a situation of “more” not “instead,” she was able to talk with the suitor about her husband. Joan confesses, “You’re trying to establish a relationship with somebody else, you don’t want to talk about your deceased spouse, but keeping his memory alive didn’t seem like I was being weird.” Likewise, she describes, “I felt comfortable finally doing it. I talked about how funny he was and stuff like that, and I feel like the guys really appreciated that.” But her positive light on her spouse gave room for her suitors to be vulnerable about their previous spouses as well. She adds, “It opened up the door to talk about people that were really important parts of your lives.” Furthermore, now she better understands how grief works for her. She says, “You can’t ignore it. It’s going to be there. Talking about it and letting it out makes it more almost joyful.”
Freedom Through Acceptance
While it was scary for Joan Vassos to unlock her grief, it was therapeutic. She reflects, “I went from not being able to think about him or even having a picture in my house that I could see every day — I had pictures in the guest room and other parts of the house I don’t see every day — to the point where now I’m feeling so much better about it.” Now, she feels free to share his memory. Then, she adds, “Putting his name on a bench or planting a tree, none of these things are good enough.” Further sharing, “So I said, you know what I think he would like the most? Is that you don’t forget him. Tell me stories. It doesn’t hurt me anymore; it makes me happy.”
The Golden Bachelorette, shares that the show “cured” her. She discusses, “This journey made me open to love. And I figured it out partway through the journey that I really wasn’t there when I came, but I got there.”
The Golden Bachelorette premieres Wednesday, Sept. 18, at 8/7c on ABC.
What do you think about Joan Vassos sharing her journey about dating after losing a spouse? Are you ready to see The Golden Bachelorette? Drop your comments below.
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